I give you a morning
to serve you an eye
An eye to tell you
that you should be my first one
to understand my restless

I give you a night
to serve you a peace
A peace to tell you
that you should be my first one
to accompany my worry

It’s been more than two weeks since I got back from my hometown to Yogyakarta. There are so many things happened. And I’d like to tell you what they are, but it’s perhaps better to tell you what I’ve been feeling and thinking about. My first reason why I came back earlier than I usually do is that I’m being a committee of some events at my college. One of the most favorable events is the one which will make me learn more from people that I haven’t known yet. It’s a kind of an introduction week in other countries. And this introduction week is held by every faculty in my university. It’s a little bit different from each depending on the culture of the faculty. So, I believe that being a part of this event will allow me to be a psychologist. No, I’m kidding you.

Let me tell you about depression. What is depression? Has anybody ever experienced depression? When and why?

Depression people tend to be happy when they are with the people they love and they like. They can tell you everything they are worried about, they are afraid about, and they are sad about. But, it’s just about how trusted you are and how the way you try to ask them. If you find a way to make them relax and they ultimately tell you, then you can be a psychologist. No, I’m kidding you.

The World of Depression is Like This

Source of image: http://www.apa.org

I’m not sure if I’ve ever been in a depression. But almost everyone has ever experienced depression. The difference is how long the period and how complicated the problem that you think. Depression is actually a feeling that you can’t explain to yourself. And when you try to overthink it, you get mad. You are trying to let it flow but it always comes to your days and makes you sad. Then you will lay on your bed, thinking about what is wrong with you and fall asleep. You wake up with a horrible pain in your chest. You haven’t made a deal between you own thinking and you own heart. Do you believe me?

One of my favorite talk about depression is from a writer named Andrew Solomon in the TED Talk. He experienced depression and had been dealing with it. He got his therapy and has been interviewing people all over the world to understand about how this works. Several days ago, I tried to search his talk again on the TED Talk. The newest talk there is titled ‘How the worst moments in our lives makes us who we are’. I like the way he spoke there because it was funny sometimes, but there was also a time when he seriously explained about the feeling and the reason why we felt it with the definition he made. The shortened link of the TED Talk is here: http://ow.ly/Dih030e8907. Be sure you check it out!

Andrew Solomon told that he survived from a mix of avoidance and endurance he got in his childhood. He got bullying. People around him couldn’t be as friendly as he imagined. But, he still had a mother who supported him when the world didn’t like him. In the middle of the speech, I got shocked. He mentioned himself as a homosexual. But I have no problem with that word ‘homosexual’ as long as we respect each other and do our job well without making riots. I will not tell you any more about my opinion on homosexual. Maybe I will give my idea on it next time on a different topic and writing, if you are interested.

I learn that being depressed can be caused by two things. They are offspring and experiences. If you have a father, a mother, or even your grandmother or your grandfather that had experienced depression, you may likely experience the same. If you experienced something you didn’t like, you got trauma, then you could experience depression too. Besides having a big and complicated problem, depression may attack you easily just because of a simple problem. For example, when you apply yourself for an internship program and you aren’t accepted, you get depressed. In that day you don’t want to go out, write, read, eat, and just sleep in your bed. The next day, you feel the same. But when you think “I have to be happy. Please, be happy!”. Suddenly, you are being happy again. It’s like a mood that can change by seconds. The mood is related to your own experience in the past, your worry in the future, or maybe it’s just by your own feeling. So if you are a moody one, I suggest you to not make it as your personality. Moody is about your feeling. How fast and slow the feeling change is based on your thinking and heart. Please, try to control it day by day. And never ever love the word ‘moody’ in your dictionary to thrust it forward to people out there. Please, try to not be moody to prevent yourself from being depressed or more depressed. Life goes on, just let it go, and let it easy.

Today I’m feeling like a psychologist to tell you that. I myself easily get depressed. But I always try to deal with my depression. Sometimes of course, I need my only time too. The best way I found interesting is to be positive and do not think too much. If you think about something and you don’t like it, just let it go and find your beautiful life. Don’t be overthink if you don’t expect depression!

~ An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I give you a day
to serve you a happiness
A happiness to tell you
that you should be my first one
to be part of my reason to smile

I give you the world
(Aku berikan untukmu dunia)
to serve you an imperfection
(untuk menyuguhkan kepadamu sebuah ketidaksempurnaan)
An imperfection to tell you
(Ketidaksempurnaan yang mengatakan kepadamu)
that you should be my first one
(bahwa kamu haruslah menjadi yang pertama)
to be my forever perfection
(kesempurnaanku yang selamanya)